i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
