Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
