I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
