The maid of honor just puked.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
