is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
