I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i dont even know how to be here
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
