We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
