I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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