that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
