U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
being pregnant is like rehab
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
