Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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