hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
