i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
its liver damage thursday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
