I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
