Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
