Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
