Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
