I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Someone came in the potted fern
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
