how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
only if we run a train.
done.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
