you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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