When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
