The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
