just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
