She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
