i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
