Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
