My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
