So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
