You're my little dorito
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
