If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
