Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
