I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
