fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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