A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
