fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
