Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
