I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
