Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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