my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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