Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
