Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
