have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
