Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize