Please, let me fuck your mom
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
