I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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