If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize