fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
