Who did Billy Mays play for?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
