My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
