i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She made me pour olive oil on her.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
