Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
