No more Irish car bombs ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
