Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
