I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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