There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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