I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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