Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
