no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
