guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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