I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish you could order shots online.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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