Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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