This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
