So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
