Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
