this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
