i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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