No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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