Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
