She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
