You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
