Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
