my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is my gift to your gina
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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