yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
