help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize