I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
