he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
