I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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