I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
